Have you ever gotten halfway through a movie in the theater and suddenly weighed the marginal benefits/costs of continuing to sit through the movie? “Hmm, I could stay to eat more popcorn and die of boredom OR go home and play Fortnite”. There’s a good chance that the movies featured on this list will either want you to stab your eyes out or receive a lobotomy from a back alley brain surgeon. Here are my picks for The Top 10 Worst Comic Book Movie Adaptations… EVER.
David Harbour says that his Hellboy was “unfairly bludgeoned” because of MCU comparisons. Sure, this movie suffered because we as fans expected it to be better. (eye roll) Guess what, your movie sucked and yes we have grown accustomed to better comic book adaptations. It has nothing to do with the fact that Harbour appears to be reading from cue cards and that we all wanted a darker Guillermo Del Toro/Ron Pearlman close to what should have been a trilogy. Do us a favor, go back to a formula that at least kind of worked.
Howard the Duck
Oh, Howard, time has not treated you well. George Lucas missed the mark on this comic adaptation that regular people did not know was an adaptation. Luckily, Howard The Duck has seen a little redemption in blink and you’ll miss it cameos in the MCU. Being voiced by the great Seth Green is a perk too.
Jennifer Garner, at the time, seemed like an odd choice for the character, and lo and behold, we were right. Elektra was a poor choice to be greenlit because its counterpart, Daredevil, was universally panned by critics and audiences alike, but the studio said: “Aww f*** it, we’re gonna make it anyways, nerds will see it!”
Fantastic Four (2015)
Proof that dark versions of certain comics don’t always work, Fantastic Four was marred by studio/director drama from the start. From casting calls to interesting character design, Fantastic Four was doomed to fail. Though I should put this out there, I was completely on board with the Michael B. Jordan and Miles Teller castings. If I wasn’t so on board with John Krasinski and Zac Efron taking on the rolls, I wouldn’t mind seeing them back for a reboot.
Oh, Marvel you sure had it bad before the MCU didn’t you? Are we noticing a theme here? Comic book movies stink if the rights are sold to the highest bidder. Get people to work on these films that care about the properties. I am still considering who I’d like to see cast as the Devil of Hells Kitchen once Netflix’s deal runs out.
X-Men: The Last Stand
A movie so bad they’re doing it twice! Seriously though, why am I seeing the same movie again? Dark Phoenix hits theaters June 7th, and then Blu-Ray a week later and then Netflix after that. Wait 5 weeks after release and Disney will be paying YOU to watch it.
(Tie) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
TMNT 3 (Turtles in Time)
(Tie) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
TMNT: Out of the Shadows
A tie seems like cheating in my opinion but I really could not decide here. I am not sure why the Turtles are consistently butchered to the point of being unrecognizable. The Turtles in Time movie was marred with poor production quality. For some reason, the suits were changed from the amazing creations used for the original film (The newer suits were used for “Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation where they introduced Venus a completely useless 5th turtle). Then, fast forward 26 years, Michael Bay of all people brings us “TMNT Out of the Shadows” and unapologetically butchers Krang on the big screen. Not to mention, casting Stephen Amell as Casey Jones just seemed off. The last good Turtles property? 1991. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Secret of the Ooze”.
The “black” was used way to literally in this movie. From emo hair and skinny venoms played by Topher Grace, Sam Raimi was dealt an impossible task: make a movie as good as if not better than Spider-man 2.
The Amazing Spiderman 2 – The Andrew Garfield starring superhero flick doesn’t make the list because, before Tom Hollands, this suit was the best Spidey suit we’ve ever seen on screen.
Jonah Hex – Josh Brolin was gonna keep swinging on this comic book thing until he got a hit.
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence – The death of Johnny Blaze on screen, not its all about Robbie Reyes.
Blade Trinity – So was Ryan Reynolds supposed to secretly be a version of Deadpool? A Shame that the trilogy had to end on such a low note.
Green Lantern – Okay. Hear me out. It wasnt that bad, and I bet you if it was made today and Ryan Reynolds were still cast, people would flock to the theaters.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Alright, WTF? You know how a picture says a thousand words? Well, this is apparently the opposite of that. Why in the HELL would you remove the mouth of a dude whose nickname is “The Merc with a Mouth”?!?! Thank goodness these are under Kevin Feige’s control so we never have to see this horrible treatment ever again.
In a sea of Marvel, Catwoman acts as the bookend to this s*** sandwich. Halle Berry’s portrayal was an oversexualized, bad pun, ridiculous romp for the ages. My Couch Cruncher partner, Max, couldn’t even defend this one and he likes Batman Vs Superman.
Another Cruncher Top 10 is in the books, did you agree with my rankings or did I miss a movie that you really loathe? Sound of below!
Join us tomorrow, June 1st at 7pm MST, for a live broadcast of CouchCrunchers.com. Max, Tyler, Sam, and I will be talking about Phoenix Fan Fusion, Aladdin, and of course, the latest headlines with “Fab or Flub”. It will be a great time and we can wait to see you there!