SPOILERS for anyone who hasn’t seen the finale of season 7, yet. This one has so much going on, getting off the internet for a week to avoid spoilers was totally worth it. I’m going to go through the episode, with each important scene in order.
ROCK STAR ENTRANCE
Daenerys’ huge army rolls up to King’s Landing, and a conference between all the major superpowers in Westeros meet at the dragon pits. Daenerys comes in on her freaking dragon, and I swear I could hear “Rock You Like A Hurricane” as she lands Drogon like he’s a chopper, and she’s just showing off! I loved seeing Cersei try to act like she’s not impressed. We all know better.
DRAGONS, AND WALKERS, AND WIGHTS, OH MY!!
Everyone is bickering, and it even looks like Sandor and Gregor Clegane might end up fighting each other (which would have been pretty awesome), but then the Hound leaves the dragon pit, and brings out the wight that they’ve captured in the north.
It crawls out of its box with jarring speed and scrambles for Cersei, reaching desperately for her throat when the Hound yanks on the its chain. Soooo close to ripping into her. I wish they would have let it.
This is one of the best moments of this episode. You start to see it dawn on every character what this means. The only person with their crap together is Jon, who goes on to demonstrate that only fire and dragonglass can stop them.
Jaime is legitimately terrified, and Euron says, “So, they don’t swim, then? Great. Bye!” Which is probably the smartest thing he’s said this whole show. Even though we find out later that he just left to go get the Golden Company for Cersei.
I MUST NOT TELL LIES
Jon Snow then does possibly one of the silliest things that anyone can do in Game of Thrones: he told the truth.
Cersei agrees to the truce, but only if Jon Snow agrees to stay out of the War of the Queens once the War in the North is over. Jon displays an immense amount of loyalty to Dany when he tells Cersei that he can’t promise that. He’s already promised his loyalty to Dany.
Cersei leaves, infuriated, and Tyrion makes the amusing suggestion that Jon should learn to lie “just a little bit”. I felt the same way, at first, but that’s just not who he is.
DAVID AND GOLIATH
Because of Jon’s impossible honesty, Tyrion has to go an negotiate with his sister, alone.
He has a whole scene where he basically dares her to kill him. Sir Gregor even pulls out his sword a little bit, and you wonder for a moment if this is it for Tyrion. Gregor towers over a regular person, but over Tyrion he is a true giant.
Strangely, she doesn’t kill him. Then, like a child with her fingers crossed behind her back, she agrees to help Jon and Dany in their fight against the Wights.
THEON GROWS A PAIR (METAPHORICALLY)
Theon finally decides to go and save his sister. He beats a man to death to do it, and earns the Ironborn’s trust, once more.
I’m proud of him, but… I don’t really care about the Ironborn that much, especially compared to what happens next. Moving on.
LITTLEFINGER GETS THE FINGER
Arya and Sansa’s tension seems to come to a head, and it almost feels as though Arya is finally going to die due to Littlefinger’s meddling. Fortunately, Sansa turns to him at the last moment, and accuses him of murder.
I’ve never seen Littlefinger look surprised, but can I just say that it was incredibly satisfying? It was awesome. The whole room stares at him, and he actually states that he’s confused.
The liar, the cheat, the killer, has finally been outdone by two girls and their psychic brother. His death was swift, it was poetic, and it was justice. Well done, Starks. I’m so glad you did it.
THE STUPIDEST LANNISTER
I’m not talking about Jaime. I’m talking about Cersei, who tells him that she plans on turning on Jon and Dany, and Jaime says that’s the stupidest idea, ever! Because it totally is!
This was the final straw for Jaime. The end is coming, and she can’t see it. Everyone and everything will die, and she’s still too moronic to see it. Jaime finally decides to leave.
She then basically tells him that he doesn’t matter anymore. She’s making more family in her belly, and she doesn’t need him.
“No one walks away from me!” And Jaime basically says, “Freaking WATCH ME.” And he rides off, not far from King’s Landing, as snow falls on the world. Now he can go marry Brienne, like he should.
MY SHIP HAS SAILED!!!!!
This is my favorite part. Sam walks into Bran’s room, and they have a conversation about Jon’s lineage, which overlaps with the absolute best part…
Jon knocks on Dany’s door. She opens it, and Jon walks in. BAU-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!! This particular love scene didn’t have any nipples or other *ahem* regions involved, but it was still the steamiest, by far. Part of the voiceover said, “he loved her, and she loved him” as they look at each other.
I’ve been waiting for this romance for 7 seasons. I’ve wanted this thing since Day 1! and I got my wish. I am so happy. I only wish that we got to see the initial passionate kiss before things got hinky.
Now, we officially know that Jon Snow is the actual, legitimate heir to the iron throne.
AND THE WALLS CAME TUMBLING DOWN
Tormund is at the wall, and the white walkers finally make it to East-Watch-By-The-Sea. Then, we see the ice dragon, which blows the wall apart and allows the undead horde into Westeros.
The dragon breaths… Fire? Ice? Icy fire? Unsure of the nomenclature.
Anyway, all I could think about was “did Tormund just die??” We knew that the white walkers would make it past the wall. I think that was a fairly certain event for this season. I just hope that Tormund made it far enough in to where he didn’t have to die in the assault.
— Final Thoughts and Ratings —
5 out of 5 Couch Cushions
All of the cushions, guys. All of them. This episode was more talking than most other episodes from this season, but it made connections that seriously needed to be made.
I’m so glad that Littlefinger finally died. It needed to happen. I hope Arya uses his face to access his old connections and spies later on.
Jaime finally switched sides. Theon went to find his sister.
Jon and Dany got together. It will be interesting to see them discover that her much, much older brother is his father. Yeeeeahhhh, she’s his aunt. He’s her nephew. Technically. Plus, he has a better claim to the throne than she does. So, that’s awkward.
This episode had tons of great stuff. Along the way, there were dramatic reveals, some buddy team ups, a great death, and the stage was set for some seriously epic battles next season.
And the White Walkers FINALLY made it past the wall.